Barna Research Group is a well-known and respected organization that has been around for more than 40 years. They have conducted more than two million interviews and have now taken on the task of answering the question: Why is there such a credibility crisis among American pastors? Their research concluded that just 57% of all US adults see pastors as a trustworthy source of wisdom. Barna Group goes on to say, “Still, many Americans – including one in five Christians – admit feeling unsure whether pastors are trustworthy.” Author and senior fellow at Barna Group, Dr. Glenn Packiam notes, “Pastors, for the most part, are peripheral and ornamental. Quaint, but not entirely necessary. Kind, but not wholly credible.” How can pastors restore their credibility as leaders and sources of wisdom and counsel in their community? “The path to regaining credibility begins with taking responsibility. We must face the reality that we have contributed to the crisis of credibility,” observes Dr. Packiam. If it wasn’t bad enough that the credibility of pastors has diminished because of bad behavior, another study in 2020 from the Cultural Research Center at Arizona Christian University found that the adherence to a biblical worldview varies according to the pastoral position held. Among Senior Pastors, for instance, 41% hold a biblical worldview—the highest incidence among any of the five pastoral positions studied. The next highest incidence was the 28% among Associate Pastors. One of the most frightening percentages in the study was that only 12% of youth and children pastors believe in a biblical worldview. In this Honest Conversation I will be talking about how the practice of leveraging and grooming has become a common discipline used by so many leaders within our local churches. The drive to put “butts in seats,” to have an audience who will watch these stage-driven churches, has led church leaders to succumb to a culture opposite from a biblical world view. Barna Group goes on to say, “It’s just further evidence that the culture is influencing the American church much more than Christian churches are influencing the culture.”
Let me tell you a story of a pastor who could not resist the opportunity to inflate his sense of self-importance. Like a man with an addiction, he could not resist his deep need for excessive adulation. Most of all, his sense of entitlement caused him to always want to win at any cost. This is a story of the pastor winning by disregarding someone I consider to be the kindest follower of Jesus you could possibly imagine. You see, this is a story of a pastor taking advantage of a man who was disabled due to a horrible accident. Regardless of what this man had suffered, he is an everyday example of what it means to love Jesus amidst the worst of trials. He consistently smiles and treats you as if you are the only one in the room. The impact of his life is like a fragrance of what it means to be the hands and feet of Jesus. With deep regret, this story unveils the tactics and evil intentions of a leader leveraging and grooming a vulnerable person to pursue his insatiable desire for social status. The pastor found out that this disabled man was in a lawsuit that would potentially award him millions of dollars. The grooming started with a cocktail of love bombing and future faking. Love bombing is “an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes.” An example of this is getting excessive compliments, receiving gifts, being introduced to important people or anything that can give the perpetrator leverage in your life. This leader was also great at future faking. This is “a courtship strategy in which a narcissist talks to you in elaborate detail about all the wonderful things that the two of you will do together in the future.” The trust we give our pastors could even be described as paternal and in this instance this pastor used his paternal trust to take advantage of this man’s money and leveraging other things for his personal gain. Imagine a pastor saying to you, let us envision what God can do with your money for His kingdom. Like a snake striking an unsuspecting prey, the pastor approached this man knowing that he needed to decide to either settle for an immediate payout or prolong the lawsuit for more money. Suddenly the pastor had a “word from the Lord’ that the man should settle and get his millions right away. The man heard the “word from the Lord” and, just like what happens in a theocratic governed cult or church, he wanted to obey. Sadly, the words from this pastor who claimed to speak on behalf of God trumped the advice of the man’s lawyer and family. He settled his lawsuit and promptly gave the church $500,000.00 to help build a new a church building. After this, the pastor leveraged people close to him to do construction work at the man’s house for an additional $400,000 dollars.
Like most cases of grooming and leveraging from a narcissist, the narcissist operates like the way of a snake on a rock or like a ship on the open seas…they go where they want but leave no evidence of trails. The victims are a means to an end. That’s the sad ending of this short version of the story. The money that this man gifted to the church was received but it never went to a restricted fund for a new church building. It went to the general fund to be used any way the pastor wanted. And when it came to all the construction work this pastor helped the man arrange, everyone got paid in full but most of the work had to be redone. This was especially heartbreaking for the victim because the whole time work was being done on his house, his family was warning him that he was being taking advantage of. Because of his loyalty and the trust that he had for his pastor, he went against his family’s advice hoping that everyone involved would do the right thing. They did not and when they were confronted to correct all the bad construction work, they responded by saying they would pray for him. The temperament of our friend in this story is non-confrontational and he would rather just forgive and move on. So he did, he had the faulty work re-done and he again paid all the cost. The love bombing and future faking ended, there were no more phone calls and not even a visit when our friend had to stay in the hospital.
Leveraging and Grooming. Although these tactics are never openly discussed, I would say this approach is a common part of church culture, and leaders can be found navigating in this way in many different situations. As mentioned in my blog post, “Raised by Wolves”, these disingenuous practices are being modeled and taught to church staffs as how to lead people and as an acceptable way for us to be governed. In my opinion, leveraging and grooming by otherwise healthy leaders is unintentional and is a byproduct of the undisciplined path that the western church has been on for decades. But for unhealthy church leaders, stories of pure manipulation for self-gain, disguised by the good intentions of growing a church, happens more than we would want to believe. I have seen it happen at the smallest scale where a pastor will describe how depressed he or she is because of how much gloomy rain they have experienced, knowing that if they do this enough they will inspire someone from their congregation to bless and honor the man/woman of God with a free trip somewhere. This is done with coffee, food, or anything the pastor has expressed that they love. There is a common pairing that happens within church leadership. Like two magnets attracted to each other you will see the pairing of church leaders with insurance brokers, realtors, mortgage lenders, and any vocation that needs a client base. Let me be clear by saying that these vocations are honorable. But just like money…a vocation takes on the nature of the person who is holding it. Look for yourself and you will discover this pairing in many churches. I would always think twice if the pastor’s kids suddenly are selling life insurance, leveraging church attendees. Apparently in their mind the Bride of Christ can be leverage for their personal gain. Unfortunately, this is also done every Sunday within our liturgy, and you may not even know it. There is a formula for many churches when it comes to music. Beats-per-minute are considered when songs are played during worship to extract certain emotions, lighting and smoke are intentionally designed for mood and transitions. Nothing in your service is done by accident. One of my responsibilities at church was to have the first rows filled with people so the cameras would show that our services were filled. Thank God for interns…sad but true. I have even heard coaching from pastors on how to get more people to raise their hands for salvations at the end of the service. For example, at the end of a service, band members come out and play what I call self-introspective music to set the mood. With great precision, lighting throughout the church starts to dim, almost like when you popped the question to your soon-to-be spouse. The mood is set, and you know that the question is coming. Continuing with the coaching from this pastor, speak with a soft tone and let them know you are counting to three for a response. Ready? 1… 2… LOUD CLAP from the pastor then 3! People all over the church are saying yes to Jesus! It works!
Spiritual leveraging and grooming is very insidious and is used primarily for you to feel personally connected enough to get you to orbit around the leader’s influence. To do this, they must offer you something that you can’t get anywhere else. Leveraging takes place when someone leads you into experiences that you would normally not want to do but the person convinces you it would be best for you and others. So, what are some good remedies for the American church? In my next blog post, “Persecution… or Is It Just Accountability?” we will try to tackle some of these issues.