A Sincere Faith. In ancient times when potters would examine their ceramics, they would look for deficiencies like cracks, chips, or anything that might jeopardize the purpose of the vessel. Their concern did not rest alone on how it looked but also on the quality of its craftsmanship. Sincere and respected potters inspected their merchandise not only for its beauty but also for the longevity and integrity of what it was created for. If they found something wrong with one of their vessels, they would throw it away and start the process all over again until it was done correctly. But for the less-than-reputable potter, a crack or a chip was seen more as a problem that could be covered up. Rather than throwing the faulty pot away they would fill the cracks and chips with wax. With this technique, they could cover the blemishes with paint and still sell the product at full price as if it was without defect. These unreputable potters would sell their blemished ceramics to avoid the expense of discarding them and starting all over. Potters that would not participate in this deceptive practice started to brand themselves as having “sincere ceramics.” To market their wares as sincere meant that nothing was hidden, and it indicated that their ceramics were wax-free. Just as ancient people wanted to be able to rely on the sincerity of their craftsmen, people today want to be able to trust that their church is presenting and teaching a sincere faith. 1 Timothy 1:5 tells us, “But the goal of our instruction is love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.” The word “sincere” means, without hypocrisy. In the moment, it can feel like the easier choice to cover up a problem instead of confronting it head on, but that approach only conceals a fault-line that will almost always lead to bigger problems down the road. In today’s Honest Conversation I would like to talk about things that are often waxed over in current church cultures.
As discussed in my last post, New and Improved, many churches and leaders believe they always need to be presenting things as “new and improved.” Above all else, they don’t want to sacrifice their momentum, so they take short cuts. One of these short cuts is waxing over real wrongdoings and pretending they never happened. Church leaders get out the wax and paint and everyone gets to work covering over the wrongdoing, hoping to make the whole thing look sincere and faith-based. Unfortunately, just as when ceramics are tested over time in the heat of the oven, the wax that disguises insincere ceramics begins to melt and its integrity begins to unravel. The weirdest thing that occurs in church cultures today is that it’s frowned upon to point out that something the church or a leader is doing is wrong. Regardless of if you are following biblical precepts, it’s considered wrong to call something wrong, even when it’s wrong! Be very careful if you do choose to point out wrongdoing at church because you may discover that your leaders are more concerned with jeopardizing the reputation of the church than with upholding its character and integrity. The culture promoted in many churches is toxic and unbalanced and often leads people to accept things that are wrong and they may not even think twice about their decisions. When I started to work at a certain church years ago, the pastor came to me and said because I would be receiving a phone allowance of $70 per month, I would be required to answer his calls without fail and must have it turned on 24/7. I could understand that expectation, but he then proceeded to say that the only time I was allowed to not answer when he called was when I was having sex with my wife. I thought he was trying to be crude or maybe just funny. Narcissistic people have a tendency of doing this. When I questioned him and asked if he was joking he answered no, with a matter-of-fact look on his face. Without fail, I was expected to take his phone calls unless I was right then having sex with my wife. In his view, the $70 per month he paid for my cell phone gave him the right to demand this of me. He repeated this requirement to me countless times and unsurprisingly, it would get weird if I could not answer his phone call. He would later make comments to me in the presence of others that I must have been “getting busy” with my wife. It even got more bizarre when he did not believe me that I lived in an area with bad cell phone reception. At that time he lived in the same neighborhood as me and he told me that he had walked to my house to check and see if I was lying. This to me was demeaning and was used as harassment to keep me motivated to answer my phone. In most workplaces this would absolutely not be tolerated but in a church with a toxic and unbalanced culture people get accustomed to accepting things that are wrong, especially things that are done by the lead pastor. There are so many things that are waxed over in the church culture workplace, but we even do the same thing when it comes to doctrine. With this same pastor, it got to be a joke that it was someone’s job every week to cut and replace portions of his recorded sermons before they could be posted online because what he said from the stage was either crude, doctrinally incorrect, or just unbecoming of how an elder should act. Again, everyone waxed it over and it was just another task to be completed each Sunday. I will never forget when a pastor about eight years ago told his congregation that Jesus would come back in four years. He would periodically repeat his prediction for dramatic effect as if it was okay to predict a specific time when Jesus would come back. When his prediction did not come to pass, naturally some people questioned him about it. And although he had repeated the prediction several times throughout the years, he made no apologies, he only said that’s not what he had completely meant, everyone had misunderstood him. What did his staff and church do? They filled the cracks with wax, they carefully painted over it, and they sold it as if it was all okay.
So why do so many church communities allow dysfunctional behavior to just get waxed over? In many cases it’s like removing a tree that is entwined in a complex root system. Although an individual may see unhealthy things going on at their church, it isn’t easy to find a way to effectively voice concerns because of the strong communal bond that brings identity to the person and to the group. It’s common for a person to look around and think that if everyone else is okay with what’s going on, maybe it isn’t such a big deal. Interestingly enough, many of these dysfunctional behaviors are also found in the psychology of cults. For example:
Identity with the GROUP means more than to ever question their creeds or ill behavior
Cults are attractive because they promote an illusion of comfort
Cults satisfy the human desire for absolute answers
New recruits are “love bombed” (Narcissistic leaders do this the best)
Maintain their power by promoting an “us vs. them” mentality. (We see this a lot today) [Source: onlinepsychologydegree.info/what-to-know-about-the-psychology-of-cults]
Another reason a person might choose to not call something wrong is that pointing out wrongdoing comes at a high cost. Just like the ancient potters that would have to throw away their blemished ceramics…it cost them time and money to be sincere. The fear of being ostracized or potentially losing your livelihood is just too much of a risk or cost. This high cost will cause many to wax over the blemishes of leaders who are perpetuating spiritual abuse and put a disingenuous coat of paint over the hypocrisy of leaders living in moral failure. In making these compromises, a person just trades the high cost of risking their job for the high cost of living in insincerity and compromise.
My heart in this week’s Honest Conversation is to encourage the church to have a sincere faith. It is important to know that it’s okay with humility and meekness to question leaders and each other when something is wrong. Sincere faith will last because it’s willing to start all over until it gets it right. We must approach the process with love from a pure heart and conscience.
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