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Why So Tribal?

Writer's picture: Yoel BartolomeYoel Bartolome

The Church could be described as a beautiful mosaic picture that when unified it creates a magnificent image of God’s love for His people. Each mosaic piece is different and has a unique purpose. Together it creates a picture much different than each one could by itself. We are created by God as individuals to live in community with each other. So why is it so hard to have honest conversations? Why is it difficult to call something that is wrong….wrong? Is there a reason why we cannot admit when we need help or when something is not right? Unity does not require us to ignore or shun wrong behavior, unity exposes the wrong so there may be healing. When we come honestly to God and to each other to expose our faults, this is when He can sanctify, restore, and heal. Often topics like these within Christendom are met with hesitation. When churches go through these crises, they have a clear pattern of addressing it as gossip and labeling those who tell their story as wolves. They gaslight the situation by claiming these honest conversations are not done in love. Who determines this? Just because you do not love what is being said does not mean it’s not done out of love. To answer the question, why is it so hard to have honest conversations…because we act tribal.


Tribalism exists in the church as much as it does in politics. When Christendom is governed by tribalism it opens the door to spiritual abuse. This is when a pastor or leader leverages their power beyond the scope of appropriate boundaries. Their need for paternal significance drives them to exert power over people, including their authority to crush any valid dissent. This approach is effective because people have a propensity to identify strongly with a leader and a movement they have personally invested in. A person who makes decisions based on tribalism has a hard time admitting when they are wrong for fear that everything else they have done was also done in vain. The fear of being shunned, being called disloyal, financial loss or being excommunicated are all symptoms of a group driven by tribalism. This is where today’s politics and the church have much in common. Why would any leader or person admit they are wrong when it can jeopardize a speaking engagement, a brand they are monetizing, a network they want to be in, or a seat on the board that gives them access to power and influence. Or worst of all, when your family is tethered so tightly with the church’s governance that to acknowledge a problem is to be considered disloyal to your family. Loyalty is valued beyond honesty. Tribalism causes otherwise reasonable people to ignore serious problems for fear that everyone in the tribe might look like they’re in the wrong. This is when narcissistic leaders often navigate with spiritual abuse to keep everyone walking according to their cadence. It’s ok to have an honest conversation and to relinquish the image of our tribe for the image of Christ.


Many years ago, I was on a staff and witnessed a crisis that had a simple solution. The pastor was having an affair. Unbeknownst to me then, this pastor had a wake of improprieties behind him that executive leaders in the church had kept hidden, still entrusting him with pastoral assignments. When I approached leadership through the proper channels I was told that there was nothing they could do. I was told that they had just completed an unrelated investigation and had concluded there was not enough there to terminate his position. Because of this recent investigation of the senior pastor, they were not willing to begin another. I never told our staff or our congregation, but I did approach the pastor and had an honest conversation. I urged him that he needed to expose what was going on and that he needed help. Well, tribalism raised its ugly head. The executive leaders chose to do nothing about the pastor’s behavior but my wife and I were terminated. No reason or explanation was given. This is when we experienced spiritual abuse. I could not understand why so many that knew the truth would just look the other way. Tribalism often overlooks and discounts the victims, choosing instead to minimize the consequences of the leader’s actions and preserve the image of the tribe. Some staff members saw this as an opportunity to get a promotion, and others became proponents and loyalists to the perpetrator, a common byproduct of spiritual abuse. It was a sad season for our family but we moved on and in time everything I said about this pastor was exposed to be true. He was caught having an adulterous affair and eventually they let him go permanently from being a pastor. There has never been an apology to our family and life just went on. There are so many that are in this same boat who have suffered way more than us. I am burdened for those who were manipulated and misused when they were young and are now, as they are getting older, realizing how they have been played. Others look back and regret not saying something when they did see inappropriate behavior.


This is my story. I hope that tribalism and spiritual abuse will never keep us from doing what is right. I write this is in the hope that we as a Church will be able to not only celebrate each other, but to hold each other accountable as well. May the, Imago Dei, how God created us in His image, be our ultimate goal. May God use all of us as His mosaic tiles. Unique by ourselves but even better when we’re all together. May our unity create an image of His grace and mercy…Jesus.

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© 2024 By Yoel & Christy Bartolome

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