How is it that people within the church today put up with being treated in a way that is not right and then look the other way at inappropriate things that are being done all around them? It has everything to do with the power of eternal significance. The term, Stockholm Syndrome, was coined decades ago to describe the irrational actions and reactions of individuals who had been taken hostage in a bank robbery in 1973. A simple definition of the term as it is used today is when people develop social and emotional attachment to their captors or abusers. A person in an extended abusive situation will find themselves feeling confused and helpless. Becoming attached to their abuser can be a method of coping with stress or an unsafe situation, a way of compartmentalizing what an individual is experiencing. An actual case of Stockholm Syndrome would be measured on a much greater scale but is it possible to see some likeness within the church today? The most reasonable, sensible, educated person may succumb to seemingly omnipotent pastors that want to act as their champion or are even willing to become a heroic victim for them. These manipulative pastors are persistent, telling their personal story repeatedly, how they answered the call of Jesus to save your life or your community from going to hell! They often cast themselves as the heroic victim, one who hears directly from God, giving only them an unquestionable power of eternal significance.
When a church leader has successfully cast himself as one with a special power of eternal significance, people are more apt to follow, even blindly follow, what is being said. It’s the power of the bully pulpit. We have all seen it, even more so in today’s political climate. You will hear pastors building a straw man argument, acting as though they are speaking out or standing up to the government, when really they are using the social issues of the day to validate their need to play the victim or hero. Recently, a pastor told a congregation that other pastors were against him and his stance on current events. His response to them was that he knew the bible better than them and he then used a sports analogy to describe how he was superior to them. Really? This only makes sense if this pastor believes he is the only one that knows the truth. Does anyone really believe that all the other pastors are weak individuals that do not know the Bible and have no courage to do the right thing? Can we really sit and listen to this and not see that something is wrong, or at a minimum cringe a little? People in these church environments are sincere and reasonable people with hearts to truly serve God and His Church. What keeps people in these unbalanced situations is often pastoral manipulation, tapping into people’s natural desire to be a part of something greater than themselves, and to be lead by someone in a place of authority.
For many years I worked in these environments at churches. I often would find myself in conversations where I had to be very careful in how I said things, always trying to foresee or even forestall possible explosive reactions. Dealing with this particular church leader was like the story of “The King and I,” no one was allowed to have a seat that was higher than his. Here is an example from our experience. Yoel and I needed to ask a pastor about something he had done, we already knew the answer to our questions but discussion was needed to move forward in a situation. Yoel asked the question, listened to the pastor’s untrue answer, and then stated that the pastor was lying. When it was my turn, I asked a question, listened to the pastor’s untrue answer, and also stated that the pastor was lying. This pastors’ response to me was much different than it had been to Yoel. In an instant, he lunged out of his chair at me over the coffee table and Yoel had to put his hands out to stop him from getting to me. The pastor then proceeded to stand up, leaning toward me, extending his arm and finger, pointing at me, yelling, “You shut up, you shut up right now, I am talking to Yoel…” Yoel and I sat there, not at all surprised. Remember, over the years we have learned to be very careful in our conversations. The pastor proceeded to say while walking to the door, “This conversation is over.” I asked, “Why are you taking your ball and going home, we’re not.” The conversation continued for another one hour 45 minutes and 49 seconds where among other things he mocked how I spoke, how I sat on the couch, even how I folded my hands in my lap because he thought I was too calm. With this heroic-victim pastor, rarely can anyone ever be allowed to leave on good terms unless, just like in “The King and I”, the king is left sitting in the highest seat.
So often churches are in the business of building communities of belong-ers rather than believers. This is what leaders that long for “the power of eternal significance” master. This is a concept found in cults where a person is accepted, and they feel like they belong there. Unfortunately, these communities are peppered with unhealthy doctrines that supersede what are the essentials of Christianity. We see it all the time, being so committed to belonging that it doesn’t matter what you believe anymore. This is tethered to loyalty to those in power who are sometimes perpetrating hidden misdeeds. After years of building community with people I love who are sincere followers of Jesus, you think you can separate belonging from believing, but it isn’t as easy as it sounds. No amount of compartmentalization will make wrong things right.
What do we as the church do to address individuals who choose to act in such a way? The following are a few suggestions that may help.
Be someone who can discern when you see a pastor using the power eternal significance to control the narrative. If you find yourself in a place where your pastor says they are the only voice in the community and it’s because of them that people will be saved, that should be a red flag. We’ve seen this in history before, know the Jim Jones’ of our day… don’t drink the kool-aid.
Know that there is no perfect church with a perfect liturgy and ecclesiastical governance, understand that you are there to help and its okay to ask questions to bring clarity.
Acknowledge that God uses imperfect people and we are human. Be patient, but if something goes wrong, address it, even if it may not bring change right away. A red flag is when a person in power gives themselves full autonomy in making decisions, it’s all about them.
Don’t be tribal. Be sure to identify with the image of God not the image of your tribe. If you find yourself defending your pastor because of inappropriate things they say or how they act, ask yourself why.
Is there a place within your church structure where someone can express their concerns? We have talked about this before when it comes to accountability. Find someone in a place of authority, aside from the pastor to talk to about your concerns.
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